Fish Wrapper: 2006.12.18
December 18, 2006Merry Christmas [Name Redacted].
This is a peace offering.
I want you to know three things: I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I’m hurting you.
I speak directly from my heart to yours. You must understand. I’m looking at your eyes, or would if I could. No excuses.
You haunt me like no other could. Stalk my slumber. My time awake.
I want you as a lover, yes, but I need you as a friend. This silence, your silence, is killing me.
Remember when I said (over and over) that this was trouble — that you were trouble? My initial reluctance to dive in headfirst? Your hesitation to break that chasm and take the first kiss? To claim it?
Well, there was a reason for that indecision. You, [Name Redacted], are a treasure. This is clear to all around. I don’t have any special thing above others that allows me a peak. What I had was fear. Knowing that even the slightest stumble would send us both tumbling far and away. That you let me close to the bone. That you were scared I would hurt you. That I was like the others.
And when we stumbled, you were afraid I was the others. Then you were gone.
Our fear lead us directly to what we were afraid of in the first place. And I don’t know about you, but I’m lost. I feel lost. I don’t know where to go from here.
[…]
I’m hoping your holidays are bright. I miss you.